Dealing with Conflict
One of the most difficult things you will deal with in any organization is conflict with or among members. With a few basic skills, you can successfully deal with conflict in a positive manner as it arises.
BASICS OF CONFLICT
Conflict is Inevitable- This is extremely important to keep in mind.
It is NATURAL for conflict to occur.
Conflict is not A DIRTY Word- It is not a sign that those involved
are bad people or that they are less worthwhile as members of our
society. Familial influence is usually the source of this belief,
e.g., "Don't fight with your sister!" "Try to get
along." "Can't you just share your things?"
Conflict Arises for Many Reasons and Takes Many Forms- You must
be aware that there are many reasons for people getting involved
in conflict and many ways that this conflict can manifest itself.
The key is your ability to RECOGNIZE and ADJUST your conflict management
approach to the specific context.
Conflict Encourages Introspection- Conflict keeps an organization
on its toes by providing a "checks and balances" system
when viewed in a positive light. By dealing constructively with
the criticism, strides can be made toward improving the organization.
SUGGESTIONS TO MANAGE CONFLICT
Do not fear conflict.
• Acknowledging it and dealing with it can only successfully
manage conflict.
• Avoidance or surrender often will lead to prolonged or escalated
conflict in the future.
Keep discussion on a specific topic.
• Avoid the introduction of irrelevant issues as they may
only escalate the conflict or lead to the discussion of unrelated
problems.
Keep an open mind on views that differ from your own.
• The goal in conflict management should be to open your mind
as much as possible to allow for variances in perception; a defensive
attitude will only heighten the conflict.
Test criteria used in making value judgments.
• Seek a reliable information base for evaluation rather than
using your own personal value system.
Cooperate rather than compete.
• Do not attempt "to win" at the expense of the
other person; conflict should be managed in cooperation rather than
competition.
• Use an open-minded approach when resolving conflict, utilize
all the positive or neutral techniques that you have already learned;
discuss conflict resolution failures and learn from past mistakes.
NOTE:
In some conflicts, one person may initially look at the outcome
competitively while the other has a cooperative outlook. In this
situation, the nature of the conflict will depend on whether the
person looking at the conflict competitively draws the other person
into competition or whether the person looking at the outcome cooperatively
influences the other to cooperate.
CONFRONTATION: A SEVEN-STEP PLAN
Step One: Initiate Contact
• Choose one confronter who is respected and admired by the
person being confronted.
• Choose a private location.
• Time the confrontation as closely as possible to the inappropriate
behavior.
• If necessary, cool off before confronting.
Step Two: Establish Rapport
• Show respect for the person being confronted.
• Begin by saying something that will establish a sense of
rapport and mutual trust.
Step Three: Identify the Issue/Problem
• Clearly define the issue to yourself before you being exploring
it with the person; be able to succinctly state the problem in non-threatening
terms.
• Listen carefully to what is being said.
• Do not ask the question, "why?" as it allows an
excuse and justification for the problem; stick to questions of
"what?".
• Keep to the issue.
• Gain factual knowledge of what happened.
• Do no excuse behavior.
Step Four: Problem is agreed upon
• Work with the person to identify the problem; he/she must
agree with you that a problem exists.
• Condemn the behavior not the individual.
• Your language should reflect that "we have a problem"
rather than "you have a problem."
• Help the person identify the impact and consequences of
his/her actions.
Step Five: Obtain Attainable Commitment
• Provide the person with an opportunity to "win,"
to succeed.
• Don't set standards or announce terms that you are not prepared
to enact or enforce.
• Mutually agree upon an attainable commitment on his/her
part.
Step Six: Keep Commitment
• Predetermine a date and time to evaluate progress toward
the commitment.
• Follow through on any agreements made.
• Be firm in the standards you set.
• Support the individual's attempts to change.
Step Seven: Praise Success
• Offer praise and positive feedback for successes.
• Obtain a commitment for further changes by extending the
attainable commitment.
Pace, R., B.D., & Burnett, M.D. (1979) Techniques for Effective
Communication. Addison-Wesley Publishing Company, Inc.
Taylor, Ronald J., Confrontation 101; Challenges and Choices. National
Interfraternity Conference.
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