Male Victims

Let's take a look at some mistaken beliefs about male sexual assault and uncover the realities behind the myths...

Myth: Men can't be sexually assaulted. Reality: Men are sexually assaulted. Any man can be sexually assaulted regardless of size, strength, appearance or sexual orientation.

Myth: Only gay men are sexually assaulted. Reality: Heterosexual, gay and bisexual men are equally likely to be sexually assaulted. Being sexually assaulted has nothing to do with your current or future sexual orientation. Your sexuality has no more to do with being raped than being robbed.

Myth: Only gay men sexually assault other men. Reality: Most men who sexually assault other men identify themselves as heterosexual. This fact helps to highlight another reality -- that sexual assault is about violence, anger, and control over another person, not lust or sexual attraction.

Myth: Men cannot be sexually assaulted by women. Reality: Although the majority of perpetrators are male, women can also perpetrate sexual violence. Often this is accomplished through coercion, pressure, or threats rather than through physical force or violence. 

Myth: Erection or ejaculation during a sexual assault means you "really wanted it" or consented to it. Reality: Erection and ejaculation are physiological responses that are a common result from physical contact or even extreme stress. These responses do not imply or prove consent in any way and they do not imply that you wanted or enjoyed the assault. They also are not indicators of someone's sexual orientation.

There is great societal denial of the fact that men get sexually assaulted. Chances are most of us don't hear much about the topic of male sexual assault. The need to deny the existence of male sexual assault is partly rooted in the mistaken belief that men are immune to being victimized, that they should be able to fight off any attacker if they are truly a "real man." A closely related belief is that men can't be forced into sex-- either they want it or they don't.

These mistaken beliefs allow lots of men to feel safe and invulnerable, and to think of sexual assault as a "women's issue". Unfortunately, these beliefs can also increase the pain and difficulty that male survivors can experience. They can increase feelings of isolation, shame and inadequacy.  These beliefs and reactions can also make it more difficult for male survivors to seek support or report the offense(s).  

The resulting guilt, shame and anger can lead some male survivors to utilize maladaptive coping skills by engaging in self-destructive behavior after their assault. These coping techniques may include attempts to numb their feelings or punish or degrade themselves. These behaviors can include increased alcohol or drug use, isolation from friends and family, increased aggressiveness, arguments and fights. Some male survivors also develop sexual difficulties. It may be difficult to resume sexual relationships or start new ones because sexual contact may trigger flashbacks, memories of the assault, or other difficult feelings. On the other hand, some survivors become hypersexual in attempts to "prove themselves" or regain control over their sexuality. It is important that survivors take their time to work on their sexual healing. Pressure and judgment only make the situation worse.  

For straight men, sexual assault almost always causes some confusion or questioning about their sexuality. Since many people believe that only gay men are sexually assaulted, a heterosexual survivor may begin to believe that he must be gay or that he will become gay. Furthermore, perpetrators often accuse their victims of enjoying the sexual assault, leading some survivors to question their own experiences. In fact, being sexually assaulted has nothing to do with sexual orientation, past, present or future. People do not "become gay" as a result of being sexually assaulted.

For gay/bi/pan men, sexual assault can lead to feelings of self-blame and self-loathing attached to their sexuality. There is already enough homophobic sentiment in society to make many gay men suffer from internal conflicts about their sexuality. Being sexually assaulted may lead a gay man to believe he somehow "deserved it" or that he was "paying the price" for his sexual orientation. Unfortunately, this self-blame can be reinforced by the ignorance or intolerance of others who might victim-blame. Gay men may also hesitate to report a sexual assault to law enforcement due to fears of blame, disbelief or intolerance by police or medical personnel. As a result, gay men may be deprived of legal protections and necessary medical care following an assault.

Some sexual assaults of men are actually forms of gay-bashing, motivated by fear, hatred, and homophobia. In these cases, perpetrators may verbally abuse their victims and imply that the victim deserved to be sexually assaulted.

It's important to remember that sexual assault is an act of violence, power and control and that no one deserves it.